Talk to your partner. Communication is absolutely essential. Obviously if you are speaking to a man, he will have absolutely no clue about what you are experiencing unless you tell him. He still won’t be able to fully understand but having the conversation is crucial. Men think about sex 99% of the time. The other 1% is reserved for food and sports. They have a true biological need for sex and that need not being met can make for one unhappy bear.Will explaining to him how much sex hurts make his need go away? No, but it helps him to be more understanding . I know it took my husband a while to understand that rejecting sex was not the same thing as rejecting him. Its not that I didn’t want him but I physically could not handle the pain. He did not get that until I explained it to him and I don’t think he is the only man that thinks this way. He began to understand that just as it was frustrating for him not to get any, it was equally as frustrating for me to not be able to dish it out. As important as it is for you to convey your feelings about how painful sex is impacting your relationship, it is equally important to take the time to listen to your partner’s feelings. While I often get upset during these types of discussion, I know that it is helpful and healthy to allow my husband to put his feelings out on the table as well. He needs to vent and be heard as much as I do. Communication is so vitally important and it is important that the communication goes both ways.
3- Let go of the guilt and shame. As I stated just a moment ago, when my husband and I talk about our sex life (or lack thereof), I often end up hurt or upset because I feel guilty for not being able to provide like I think I should be able to. We often hold onto these lofty ideals of how we think we should be as women, wives, and mothers (and all the other roles we fill) and most of the time it sets us up for failure as when we can’t achieve these ideals we feel guilty and ashamed. You are not to blame. You are not a failure as a woman, wife, or partner because you deal with painful sex. It is an unfortunate aspect of living with endometriosis and while it stinks big time, it has no impact on who you are as a person. It is important to make that distinction.