Butterfly wings

ImageI haven’t posted anything because  I have been struggling with the whole support thing for awhile and felt who am I to write about it when sometimes feel I don’t even have it. I have been suffering with a horrible pain in between my breast bone in the centre of my chest that started like a stabbing knife and intense hunger pain. IT would go under my ribs and into my back I feel nausea vomiting and cold sweats. I haven’t slept properly in almost 4 months and the pain is always I feel used to it now because its a part of my everyday  I have a burning sensation now that’s also constant and has moved lower in my tummy. I still go out and put a smile on my face not to inconvenience anyone around me. Its painful and on top of it my Endo fair ups add more trauma to my senses. I am so tired of chronic pain and useless doctors giving there dum diagnosis to just get you out of there offices. Tired of being poked prodded and radioactive !

No doctor cares about the women who suffer and if your lucky to have found a good doctor congratulations ! I have seen so many and sat in so many pointless appointments I don’t bother now. I have tried every pill natural and doctor proscribed. I feel my body is attacking me full force and I’m too tired to keep fighting. I cant smile or laugh walk run eat sit have fun or pretend to be. I cant be your entertainment or your shoulder ! I’m to exhausted to be your savour I need my own… I cant fake it to make it I’m barely making it anymore I am strong I have been for many years I have hidden secrets not to tare up the family I have hidden pain and sorrow I pretend a lot of the time I don’t no what’s real anymore. I coddle family and loved ones to keep them from the truth but not anymore I wont hide my heart and soul so you feel better. I have a ball in my throat and butterflies in my stomach who’s wings are made of blades and cut me deep with every flutter!

 

 

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