Update on health and sanity :X

Thank you so so much for the support and following my posts Sending my appreciation and love to you all.

I just wanted to give an update on my health statues and what Else I have been dealing with. Since Oct When I woke up screaming in pain with intense cramping ,hot stabbing, Burning, Feeling horrible pressure like someone standing on top of me pressing my ribs inward.Followed with coughing vomiting and cold hot sweats with extreme hunger pains. It hasent left me and I struggle with this on top of everything else for 4months now. Always have a burning in between my breasts in my sternum under my rib cage. Helps to eat small meals and not have empty stomach. Stress has played a major role in my health failing and Anxiety about many things seem to intensify everything.I am extremely on edge all the time extra moody,touchy and run down, I dont sleep even more than usual my normal sleep im lucky to get a few hours now its interrupted by nightmares and hot flashes and attacks my body cant handle. My body feels it wants to give up and slowly my mind is letting go as well, I have sank into a deep depression/lack of interest and awfully angry at everyone the world. I feel bitter and sorry for myself which I allow myself to feel from time to time and have a good cry and wallow in my sorrow and unending pain.I feel jealous of everyone else able to do the things they take for granted like movies,walking and even sleep and eating. I am snappy at the world no patience as I fight daily to keep from going insane from the deep aches in my body.Just when I feel I cant take another pain,sadness,drama More come flooding in. I am unable to cope well right now and coming from the Emergency where I seem to spend my days finding out I may have an ulcer and the last time I was there the diagnosis was IBS. Which means I could have been on the right treatment long ago if the doctors just knew what they were doing. Im tired of healthcare and Im tired of being tired. I am  losing it and so angry that no one sees what I go through, helps, listens,stands beside me in my fight against myself. I dont want to hear others complain oh what a long work day WHAT I would give to work,OH my feet hurt I wish I could stand long enough to have my feet hurt. Instead my body is eating a hole in my stomach Its literally eating itself! Do I hate myself that much Am I that unhappy, dissatisfied ,unloved? I am turning on the only person I have MYSELF. I cant put up with it anymore and have to deal with the tiny details of life love relationships. I am sick of being the glue that holds everything together,I am sick of being the therapist to my fiance,Teacher to him,stronger than him,leader,im sick of knowing how to act in a relationship the dos and Donts the yes and no,I am sick of saying what I want and how where when I want everyone to just know. Pick up the pieces family friends lover because Im in pieces and stop taking them and placing them in your soul give them back to me to rebuild in fact take a few broken pieces off of yourself and give them to me so I may build a better stronger me again. Gifts dont cut it being the person I need you to be does,there for me listening to me not making every min hard and struggle. Understand and put yourself in my shoes for one! Can you survive a hole in your stomach let alone endo attaching itself to every organ. Whats mine anymore My bodys my lovers ! my organs are for my endo My stomachs for my ulcer my mind is for the demons who keep me company at night and my heart is broken waiting for my prince………. Image


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