Just wanted to share an update with the horrible time ive been having with my stomach and the pain and burning for now 4 months. 

I finally got a scope done (tube in throat) and the experience was better than I thought Everyone was super nice and made me as comfortable as possible. I was put to sleep and funny thing is they said it took so much medicine to put me asleep as much as 5 grown men! Everyone was sitting waiting for me to pass out. Shows how strong I really am I deal with pain so well that my body is in constant fight mode so it never wants to relax to let anything take affect. Also I woke up so quickly as if nothing even happend. The doctor came in which I wondered why because he didnt visit other patients when I was sitting there waiting. He told me my stomach looked red and swollen very irritated and he thinks it could be an infection or even H Pylori. Also that he saw a mass/bulge in my stomach and wasent sure what it was took many biopsies and now I have to wait a month. :((  I saw what he wrote on the paper to get an URGENT CT scan and it showed he saw Sub mucosial stomach lesions.GIST a type of tumor, and a few other things to have the CT scan people look out for. I know its all possible things and it could be nothing but I am left with extreme pain now waiting a month to find out what has been the cause of it for longer than 4 months. My anxiety is high and news like this gets you really thinking about your life and WHY ME type of questions. I have been through a lot this past year I feel I havent caught a break and why I think I am on a happy path something horrible happens to make to stop and re evaluate things. I had a game plan to be healthy eat right diet exercise dont sweat the small stuff and live your dreams. I met someone and my whole life plan just stopped I put all my energy into US, HIM and lost myself in the process.I think when you give so much you forget to check in with yourself and make sure your ok. I put my thoughts dreams goals into him and making us stronger and fixing his life and lack of goals and motivation. AT times felt like a therapist/ teacher giving him all I have learned and accomplished in hopes I could spark something to change. I stopped doing the things I enjoyed and gave 100% into him and seeing that he could be so much better and stronger than what he was putting into this world. I think I make a great Girlfriend I communicate and share very well always have,I am open from day one about my expectations what I want and look for and if you are not there yet or cant give me that then I expect them to bow out, that’s a great thing for a man to do. I am very wise and I never wasted time being a dum lazy teenager and smoked pot or ran around sleeping with a million guys. My priorities were straight I knew I wanted a soul mate a prince charming and a home kids travel help and leave my foot print make a difference. I always put so much pf myself and effort in all I do and who I am with. I struggle with my pain feeling unwell a lot of the time but I put a great front that I can handle it alone. I never want anyone involved in my issues or my life and find it hard to ask for help. Maybe because I’ve been let down so much.I am independent and rely on myself. I was looking for someone with the same ambitions and goals the same struggles and ideas. I don’t like selfishness or making your problems others. I don’t put my illness on you yet people think I’m so strong they shove there problems on me.I think I have tried to help so many people and people in turn put me down or throw there problems on me I physically make myself ill. I get so consumed with life and its evil I actually become sick. I to live a spiritual healthy life, I need to be surrounded by healthy minds and people. I need to be around people who eat well,diet,exercise,Who have had it hard but were strong enough and picked themselves up and moved forward head high. I cannot be blamed anymore ! I want to do yoga and help people through a healthy lifestyle and show people that even though pain is in your life it doesn’t have to become your life! Any ways sorry about the rant I really just wanted to update you on my progress. I have my CT scan coming up and hopefully that gives me answers I think its time I listen to myself become a little selfish and put ME ME ME first, YOu get to see the real side of people when you stop trying to please everyone. You cant be beautiful, happy, healthy, sexy and funny all the time its who stands there beside you when you have nothing left to give nothing to share or add to the relationship no fake smiles or nice clothes. Who is with you adding to your happiness or giving you theirs ! ImageImageImageImage


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