pain

God This disease is so lonely! No one knows what I go through almost daily No one gets what its like to wait for the pain to hit you like a ton of bricks. All day sweating or freezing feeling hopeless and helpless. Having 0 control of when it hurts 1 min being ok to the next crawling to your bed.Feeling intense anger sadness dis pair lonely all in the same emotion. Feeling so sick of being sick you cant stand yourself or others. The others that want you need you to be ok so they feel better more at ease !SO there off the hook and you can not only loose control of your life but try to control there life. To be the strong one the powerful one the leader because without you everything in there life would fall apart. They dont no how to live or breathe without you telling them what to do. SO you pick up all the pieces as best you can grab hold of some reality even though your going insane inside your head from the raging thoughts and emotional wreck you are. People ask to much of people who look ok on the outside but are strong enough to hide it. I cant take on what furniture you want,your clothes or what to watch on tv when I can barely stand long enough to inhale, 

I am strong enough for myself but not for everyone else to dump on.

I cannot give you anything when I have nothing more but chronic fatigue and pain I can offer you that but I am sure you would decline.You cannot pretend to know what I go through everyday praying I can take a shit without passing out or peeing without hot pain in my ovary cutting into me. You cannot pretend to know How much it hurts to get dressed suck it in smile and walk around with everyone else and look good in every ones eyes. You think a ohh poor you it will get better will help me or does that help you? Does that make you feel like your doing something ! Take one for the team and fuck off…….

YOU take for granted the simple things bending over tying your shoe,getting dressed cleaning your house,standing ,sitting it can be so painful for me it pulls me to the ground but of course I cant show you that ! 

I hate living in a world where I must deal with everyone else’s bullshit I cant handle anymore being thrown at me! Do you ask a women in labor to fix a light bulb,wash clothes,for relationship advice  why ask someone in chronic pain anything all they hear see feel smell is pain

People get used to how you react in pain if your not on the floor dying screaming begging for your life people simply dont care! They see you as fine as ah she will get over it ,it will pass. Well guess what its here to stay and I am in pain believe it or not! 

 

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