I am never not in pain though I hide it well but its getting worse and I AM TIRED OF HIDING IT I may not be able to go out as often walk as long do certain activities i am sore all over like having the body flu 100 times worse you need to understand that just because i look ok on the outside my insides are all stuck together so sometimes going from sitting to standing causes a ripping an actually ripping try to imagine your bowels getting stretched or torn away from you belly button or pelvis or stomach. I have webs connecting my organs and simple twists and turns fast movements even going over bumps cause things to stretch and pull and tare. I feel everything more extreme hear things louder see things more smell things more feel things more, I get severe anxiety depression worry stress my mind even fights my body My body is a war within itself I am suffering alot neven. I cant do the things i love I cant go places cause i worry about pain, pain is my enemy and it rules my world right now. I am trapped in a broken body that fights me with even eating a simple food. I have to constantly be aware of my body what i feel will i feel am i going to be ok if i do this if i have a big day today i will have a bad day tomm is it worth it. I have to balance the pros and cons to everything its not as simple as getting dressed and going. I fluctuate in weight im bloated full heavy or no weight and thing and to thin everyday is a struggle im exhausted even when i wake up because imagine your body fighting a war every min of the day and night never getting a break can you imagine how tired your mind and body would be. I stress a lot worry a lot and having 0 communication and a horrible relationship on top of it is worse. I cant fight on top of fighting, I cant yell on top of screaming at my own body to move! I cant worry more than i already am I need someone who takes charge! I need someone to not pass judgment and make me feel bad about being sick or throwing it in my face I am really aware of things i am doing and unable to do
I know whats going on im living it
I know theres wasted money and wasted plans and time getting ready but that’s my life. I have spent countless hours getting ready and 15 min before I get sick or headache or i don’t feel pretty I feel fat!
I need someone to lift me up not drag me down
I don’t feel pretty perfect or attractive with a illness attacking my inner body ! WOULD YOU?
I feel not good enough and fat and bloated and my hair falls out
I need someone who doesn’t call me pet names and cute like im a baby and a sick baby at that it makes me feel less than and makes the endo win! I am not an Endo BABY I am a warrior !
I sometimes don’t want to tell you i am sick I thought you know that I thought you see small glimpses into the pain and know that its there daily
I thought you know I have endo and its chronic pain
Look up what chronic means
I don’t want to tell you I don’t feel well to hear we paid we traveled were losing out and fight over endo cause than it wins I just suck it up but that’s not fair you see my hands sweat you have to see the signs of pain my body lanuguage will tell you
Your so busy looking out into the world your world you don’t actually see me you see my boobs my make up my body but not really ME
You see my smile my laugh but not my silent cries
You think everything is fine but how could it be I have endo
Its not going away its actually getting worse
I cannot fight and battle I already do that and have been since i was 12 years old …
I need a relationship that is strong supportive
if we were one a strong couple one unit we wouldn’t fight over the dum things we fight over if we were one body one soul you wouldn’t push me because you would feel what I feel
WE are not those things and that is why this happens
we are two strangers
living 2 worlds
stop being a child for once in your life this is above you and you cannot fix me you cannot write anything that makes your point there is no point there are times in life when and if you know nothing about something you need to shut up and listen
you dont listen I have been fair I have told you all these important things and all i ask is you to read them
stoppppppppppppppppppp (he is typing as I am typing clearly not reading what I am writing)
wait until I am done so you fully get what I am saying
dont waste my time with you who cant handle this and let me find someone who can
This is your last fucking chance I have told you about endo sent articles wrote what you could do
this is hopeless
ill talk to you later when you want to listen instead of beat me with this too
I feel defeated as I am typing trying to express myself and tell him ways to help me he is typing away as well so were both typing him to probably defeated his actions instead of listening to me. Or trying to beat me to the punch since I guess he has endometriosis too so he knows what to say.
I have sent articles, clippings, stories, If he doesn’t know about what Endometriosis is then he is not listening is just a boy or his life take care of everything so he can do what he does best which is nothing… I have never met someone so self absorbed so lazy unmotivated such a boy!
You need to go back to the life you had before me smoking pot drinking and letting mommy and daddy do all the work!