I CANT !

I haven’t been in so much intolerable pain in awhile maybe never.

I suspect the Endo has traveled to my diaphragm and notice a major decline in the quality of life I live.My chest is collapsing feels trapped in a tightening device 

My body is screaming I can barely type as the noises are deafening 

My ribs and chest feel like someone is crushing them my breathes are shallow as I cant even bare to take a deep inhale I could break if i dare try.I have pressure as if someone has tied my chest and back in a rubber band get tighter and tigther with each winding loop.

the burning I feel is as if I have done 1000 squats and you feel the burn in your legs imagine that in your diaphragm The very slightest breathe brings me to my knees. The tightening is so bad i feel like the weight of the whole world is crushing me and I struggle to stand.I think this is what it feels like before you die! My body is so weak and the more I walk or the more I try to do anything that leaves me breathless the worse it gets. I’m exhausted but work through the pain If I think about it long enough I can actually see the Endo attaching itself to me like a plague … WHY ME?

I suffer so much every step every bend or lift or breathe is so much work and I am reminded of the disease that’s knows my body better than I do. MY back is breaking I feel like I am being torn apart every inch of me. 

This is human torture Except I have no one to blame no one to yell at and fight with  I hate myself for this battle I face alone. I want to run and scream but I am only running from myself and it will only hurt worse once I stop ! I cant get away from you I cant have a break You are with me every where I go whatever I try to do  I have the physical reminder 

Your killing me body mind and spirit I don’t want to live this life if I cant even hang curtains because the stretching taring pulling pain stops me from even daring to breathe because if I breathe your hold on me gets tighter YOUR TAKING MY only means of survival and making me think twice …….. HOW can you be this evil?

I am in the darkest deepest hole and your all around me ripping at my soul!! I cant fight you any longer for every good deed I try to pursue you remind me IS it worth killing you !

My Mind is consumed with pain cant eat this cant walk here cant bend stand twist or lift I should just give up and give into you

You already have all of me Your creeping in my very veins 

Your so sick I feel you inside me  YOU want this body and you make it known 

I try to not give in to you and not let you take over but nights like this I feel you in everything I do 

I don’t no whats real anymore I don’t no pain FREE I AM NOT FREE I HAVE DEMONS INSIDE ME

COME GET ME I AM READY

This is my quiet Hell and you cant hear my cries for help …………………….

 

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