HOW STARVED YOU MUST HAVE BEEN THAT MY HEART BECAME A MEAL FOR YOUR EGO!

I WILL REBUILD MY BROKEN DOWN SOUL

I WILL WORK ON GLUING THE PIECES OF MYSELF BACK TOGETHER

I WILL WORK ON HEALING MY HEART

I WILL WORK ON BEING SANE AGAIN

I WILL WORK ON MOVING FORWARD BABY STEPS

I WILL WORK ON BECOMING WHOLE AGAIN

I WILL WORK ON REMOVING EVERY THOUGHT OF YOU

I WILL WORK ON BEING A BETTER HUMAN BEING

I WILL WORK ON NEVER FALLING FOR A PIECE OF SHIT LIAR ABUSER LIKE YOU

FLOWERS

I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.

We had our first argument last night and he said a lot of cruel things

that really hurt me. I know that he is sorry and didn’t mean to say the

things he said – because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and then started to choke me.

It seemed like a nightmare but you wake up from nightmares to find

that they aren’t real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.

I know he must be sorry – because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. And it wasn’t Valentines Day or any other special

day. Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me.

Makeup and long sleeves didn’t hide the cuts and bruises this time.

I couldn’t go to work because I didn’t want anyone to know

But I know he is sorry – because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day.

Last night he beat me again and it was much worse than all the other

times. If I leave him what will I do? How will I take care of the kids?

What about money? I’m afraid of him and too scared to leave him!

But he must be sorry – because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day.

It was the day of my funeral.

Last night he finally killed me. I was beaten to death.

If only I would have gathered enough courage and strength to leave him.

So I got flowers today – for the very last time.

abuse

I was whole, loving
trusting you.
Seduced by my anxieties
I merged with you
and lost my identity.
For in your eyes, I
do not exist.
I became the mirror of your image of me
having no self outside you.
Your world became my reason for being—
your happiness was my only concern,
your disappointment, my failure.
I am ornamental,
yet valueless:
a mere reflection of
what and who I once was…
Your lover,
Now, your hostage
imprisoned in this framework—
broken.
All that is left are splinters,
jagged pieces of glass,
the fragments of my being
Encased in a box,
tightly wrapped and sealed
with masking tape of false bravado.
Appearing whole,
yet remaining shattered.

Long ago,
A woman in love existed
free, and softly
I, the butterfly
with golden wings
flew into the trap of your open arms,
attracted and enraptured by your spell.
With seductive mystery
you spun the cocoon,
enveloping me within your love,
lulling me to complacency
with your sweetly disguised whispers
till I regressed to the poise of a caterpillar
with nonexistent grace,
lethargically inching along
going nowhere
but to hide in the leaves….
And deep within my heart, I yearn
to fly free again
alone and unhindered
high in the sky,
touching the clouds
exploring my world
rediscovering myself in the
metamorphosis of growth.
I, the butterfly
a creature of beauty
and capable of flight, I
break through the smothering cocoon
and take to my wings
to fly among those free in heart.

Broken…
your promises
to love, to honor, to cherish
to not hurt
to not hit
…again
to listen
Broken…
my jaw, my knee, my arm, my eardrum, my lip
my heart
Broken…
my trust in you
in others
in myself
Broken…
my dreams
our love
our future
Broken…
my self
my being
my spirit
my will to live
Broken…
by you