poem of love

Love is staying in, instead of going out.
Love is venturing into the night to replace a broken heating pad at a 24-hour drug store, 30 miles away.
Love is take-out dining and canceling long awaited reservations with gentle compliance.
Love is bringing home emergency chocolate.
Love is patiently explaining to family and friends that the pain & fatigue are real, time and time again.
Love is declining events and parties at the last minute without fuss.
Love is gladly stopping to use the restroom 4 times during a 2 hour car ride.
Love is saying scars are sexy.
Love is being okay with snuggling, when anything more intimate seems painful and terrifying.
Love is never making your partner feel weak or guilty.
Love is also eating gluten and dairy free.
Love is worry, fear and uncertainty.
Love is crying together through loss and infertility.
Love is a knowing glance across a room during a public pregnancy announcement.
Love is holding hands through seemingly endless doctor visits.
Love is being there for countless procedures, tests and anxiously waiting for results.
Love is long, tearful kisses goodbye before lonely walks to the waiting room/operating room.
Love is hoping and praying for good news from surgeons.
Love is seeing your partner unconscious, green and ghostly-white and hoping she’ll be okay.
Love is wondering what you would ever do without her.
Love is holding a vomit bucket and rinsing it out repeatedly.
Love is helping to maneuver a catheter bag and IV stands.
Love is helping to shower, dress and feed.
Love is engaging in more conversations about poo than you ever imagined.
Love is long tearful hugs of despair and endless encouragement.
Love is understanding the anxiety and depression that comes with being ill.
Love is one day at a time.
Love is helping to heal.
Love is being there for many surgeries and knowing there could be more.
Love is trying to be brave, while always worrying.
Love is late night emergency room visits and advocating to ridiculous medical professionals.
Love is wanting to take all of the pain away, but accepting you have little to no control over it.
Love is sometimes just being present in a quiet, gentle way.
Love is always accepting where your partner is at, at that given time and knowing it can change in an instant.
Love is faith in the relationship during difficult times.
Love is being grateful for the good times.
Love is coming to terms with trading in dreams of the past and sharing excitement in revised hopes for the future.
Love is accepting that even with the best care, endometriosis is a chronic illness with no cure.
Love is knowing that even with all of the challenges and losses, you feel incredibly lucky and will never meet a stronger, more beautiful, more loving woman

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pain

Sarah Smith  ·  While everyones sleeping, I am alone and the pain is so real a stabbing sensation a burning I feel. It hurts even worse when day light comes, fake a smile wipe your tears another battle is done.you make it through the night like a dark cold war your diease is an enemy and your strength a sword. You cut through it grasping your pillow so tight. I cant wait till tommorow to restart this fight. its a never ending game of tug a war when will the pain push you on the floor? When will u be on your knees crying? it loves when your weak and so close to dying. Sharpen your sword and keep it steady,On your feet you must forge ahead unconquerd and ready! The battle is not over infact only begun for today a new battle under the sun.laugh be pretty shoulders down dont show anyone the slightest frown. Keep your head up though it hurts to walk pretend to be happy though the ememy waits and mocks. Shows you no mercy, takes all of your time, leaves you no friends and a real life behind. Everyone sees just a pretty face but under it all theres a reality I wish to erase. A fact that dreams may never be true thats why I stay awake and write to you. To All my enemies who think ahh shes fine put my shoes on start walking to the front lines. Raise your sword nice and easy here is comes dont get queasy. Its not fun being in chronic pain you lead a life,your going insane .slowly it takes everything you’ve got all you worked for is just left to rott. Sorry I cant be that girl you think you see .all of my insides are attacking me.Sorry I cant be your number 1 this is hell for me im not having fun.On the battle ground I stand sword held tight in my hand I will never give up ,wont loose this fight for this is my journey and this is my life … sarah smith 2:08am