I hate that pain controls me, It never asks if it’s welcomed it never gets an invite. Pain does not care about your social life if you made plans if it’s your birthday or a huge event months in the planning process. It does not ask if you’re busy, happy or ready for the hell it brings. It is a part of you not welcomed by open arms but by tears and disappointment of plans ruined by its untimely arrival. You don’t control how long it will attack you, if you will be going to the ER, or what medications will work. It makes you woozy and exhausted from trial and error of pills you take just to be able to get out of bed. You sink deeper into depression over no control over your own body. You feel like a stranger to the world and your enemy dwells within you. This war is a private one and you fight every second of the day the war will never end until your body shuts down completely. Your body feeds the pain blood flows to it giving it life. Once I breathe my last breath finally I will be free….