ALICE MY BABY

*****Trigger Warning*******

To my baby who i will never see. Im so so sorry your not inside of me.
i can never hold you and kiss you goodnight,Ive lost you my baby my body could not fight. It could not hold on to your precious being, you slipped away infront of me. I wont be able to hear you giggle or sing you a lullaby. My heart is broken and all i can ask is why? Why couldnt i have just one wish come true,Why couldnt i just have you? I see other woman having babies and i cant bare to look. Watching others dreams come true while my little one you took. A baby is such a wonderful gift but taken away cause an extreme rift.
I wanted to see your cute face,kiss your cheeks,and hold you near,All i have are all my tears.
I wanted my belly to grow and sustain you, i wanted to shield you from the world and contain you.
I wanted that beautiful pregnant glow, instead red eyes,dark circles intow. The worlds worst sadness tared my relationship away, hated eachother I couldnt stay.
Everytime i look at him i saw his endless pain I could not handle anymore shame. I walk alone a path of empty memories i never got to make. Your name is Alice ,that they couldnt take.
You didnt even get to breathe you held on tight inside of me.
I gave you life then it was gone I am such a horrible mom.
I hate myself for what i couldnt do,I couldnt give a daughter to you.
Broken ,beat,twisted in pain I am slowly going insane.
I cant take the grief and blame.
I will someday hold you and hear your sweet voice. I get a smile from that and rejoice.
Mommy loves you to the moon and back xoxo written by Sarah Smith

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ISOLATION

Isolation is so cruel,It robs you and your left feeling a fool.
No reason to wake up from an endless night,for yet a lonely day left to fight.
Nothing is worse then feeling pain,24/7 id rather die in vein. You are left with haunting thoughts racing in your mind, How could life be so unkind?
Live in torture you cannot see,but I have lost all self worth inside of me.
My beauty fades my hair falls out, this is what rock bottom is all about. Muscle weak,skin stretched a disabled body not so far fetched.
I used to think a pretty face takes you so far, now i know its not who,its what you are? Its been taken by chronic pain,I cant even look at myself without shame
Falling to pieces from drugs and no cure, withdrawl will kill me first this im sure. Maybe the doctors give you this for false hope so you wont complain. You cant anyway your too dopped.

Written by SARAH SMITH